All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
