So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
