Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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