i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
