i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
