There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
