When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
