Midget sex pt 2 tonight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
