Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
