when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
