Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
