i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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