If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
