i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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