I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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