i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
