i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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