I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
