Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
