I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
