i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
