Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
