I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize