pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
