get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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