please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
