so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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