I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
