was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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