drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
