the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
