Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
