I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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