No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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