Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
