Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
