I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
