Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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