You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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