Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
