Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
