I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
