Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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