I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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