i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
