I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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