I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
