The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Houston, we have a blender
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
