I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
