I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
