Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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