he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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