dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
be right there i have to get my cape
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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